Hell
by sundroptea
Summary: The Case of the Ex- or gratuitous endings of old relationships. Time has passed, but this conversation still happens. Lois and Lana and Clark have a *chat.*


Title: Hell

Author: sundroptea

Rating: PG

Summary: The Case of the Ex- or gratuitous endings of old relationships. Time has passed, but this conversation still happens.

Spoilers: None, that I can find. Maybe light season eight for a blurry reference?

Author's Notes: Ok. This is stylistic and vaguely gimmicky. It's also sick, and kind of cruel. But HusbandBeta says that it's readable, and that you know who's talking, which was my biggest worry. It's all dialogue and tension- well, mostly. I hope that you all enjoy it.

********

"Lana! Hi!"

"Lois, oh my god. It's been so long! Too long!"

"Sure! Yes! Wow! Hi! Again!"

"Hi!"

"Well! What brings you here to lovely downtown Metropolis? So early in the morning? With little to no warning at all?"

"Hahaha. Actually I'm here to see Clark."

"Big surprise there."

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing! Here to see Clark? Right. Well he's due in any minute. I, uh, _spoke_ to him just a little while ago and he had to stop at the Features department to get back some event notes he loaned out. His desk is just there, across mine, if you'd like to wait."

"Yes, thank you. So, how are you? How are you doing?"

"I can't complain! Great job, great city, great… friends. I'm really happy."

"That's wonderful, Lois."

"Thank you, Lana. But how are you? Last I heard from Chloe was… a year or so back, I think, and you were in China doing… something. Details can be questionable with BabyCuz on occasion."

"I'm doing fantastic, actually. I just found something I've been looking for for years, and I think it's the answer to a lot of my problems."

"Well, that's just great! Cryptic, but great. I'm glad for you."

"Thank you! It's been a long time coming. So, Lois… If you don't mind my asking- just as a bit of recon- how is Clark doing?"

"Clark? Doing? He does good. I mean, he's doing good. Doing well! At the paper. He's doing well and good at the paper. The paper, which is here, where he works full time. Yes."

"Ha, what's wrong, Lois? You seem uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable? Me? Not at all! I just… Well. I'm just _really _not the person that should be giving out the Clark Kent Crib Sheet, is all."

"Nonsense! You've been his partner here for how many years now?"

"Oh, you know… I don't really remember. With Clark it's been kind of a Blur- er-"

"I think you're selling yourself short. I've read your articles. There's a seamlessness there. You two have always argued, but you've also always been friends."

"Yes. Friends. Superfriends. Good, I mean. Good friends. Lana, before this goes any further, I think there's something you should know. It'll save us both trying to scrape the eggs off our faces later. You see…"

"Sorry it took me so long, Lo, you know how Brent loves to talk about his grandkids. I know you always tell me to just man up and walk away but well, he's retiring soon and if it makes him happy I can just suck it up and hear one more story about Little Holly's potty training and I- Lana!"

"Clark."

"Yes, ho-uh-Small-uh… Clark. Lana is here. To see you. I should maybe just step over- Oh look, Terry's waving at me. I'll be conveniently over there for the next few minutes!"

"Lois, you don't-"

"Terry! Hi!"

"Clark, you don't have to worry. You can come over to this side of the desk. That little- er- problem that I had is gone. I finally tracked down a solution for it."

"Well, that's great, Lana! I'm really happy for you. All of that… residue couldn't be good for you. Congratulations."

"What's the matter, Clark? I thought you might be a bit more excited about this than you seem to be."

"Well, it's just that…"

"What? Because if you'd found a cure and you told me that the path was finally clear for us to be together, safely, as equals, I'd be smiling, at least."

"Lana. I'm very sorry. But… that is not something that's going to happen. I want you to know that I'm very glad that you've recovered from the kr- poisoning. But that isn't a given that you and I would be taking up with each other again."

"What are you saying, Clark? All we've ever wanted was to be together."

"Well, that was true, awhile ago. But it's been over three years. I had no idea after all this time that you would still harbor any feelings for me. I'm sorry that you do, because they aren't feelings I can reciprocate."

"I don't understand."

"I don't know how to explain it anymore tactfully. I'm truly sorry, Lana. I did love you, and will always wish you only the very best."

"Clark, you don't have to do this. You don't have to be this noble. I read all the papers. I know about your- night job- and I don't care. We'll have night jobs together. You don't have to be alone just because of what you are!"

"I'm not alone, Lana."

"What?"

"I said that I am not alone. I found someone, someone who is… different, and just right. And… Well, you don't have to worry about me being alone."

"Who?"

"Lois! Clark!"

"I'm sorry, that's our editor. Excuse me. Yes, Perry?"

"I want you two down at the mayor's office ten minutes ago! Great shades of Elvis, how are we supposed to report the dingdang news if we're not there when it's happening? I don't care if you are still wallowing around in your newlywed euphoria, you get your butts down there and bring me back an over-the-fold! Dagnabitt, float there on Cloud 9 if you have to!"

"Lois? You're not alone with… Lois?"

"Well, Smallville, the cat's out of the bag on that one, spectacularly. Yes, Lana. Me."

"But you're… she's not…"

"I figured out awhile back that my… qualifications for my night job don't have to set me apart in the daytime. And Lois is the only one I want to share my daytimes with for the rest of my life."

"I'm sorry, Kents? Did I not ask you to do your jobs NICELY ENOUGH? MOVE, PEOPLE."

"A life that's going to be shortened considerably if Perry manages to get a hold of your neck, Smalls. I can catch a cab, and you can meet me over on-"

"No, it's ok. We'll go together. I'm not letting you get first byline again until at least next month."

"LET me?"

"That's what I said, and I say what I mean."

"You'll be hard pressed to say anything with a fat lip, Smallville, but by all means, keep talking if you'd like to give it a try."

"I STILL SEE YOU. I AM HOLDING YOUR SLIPS. BOTH SLIPS ARE DANGEROUSLY PINK."

"Well. Congratulations. The both of you. I hope… I hope that you get everything you ever wanted out of life."

"Thank you, Lana. I wish you the best too. I'm going to go down to the lobby, and I'll wait for you there, Clark. Or won't you LET me?"

"Lois!"

"'Let me' he says. I'll show him 'let me.'"

"Lana. I'm very sorry you had to find out like that. But I hope you won't hold it against me. I'd like us to part on good terms."

"I couldn't have bad terms with you, Clark."

"KENT. I'M GIVING YOUR WIFE A PROMOTION AND A FANCY NEW TITLE IF YOU DON'T START MOVING YOUR FEET IN A FRONTWARDS MOTION _RIGHT NOW. _AND YOU REMEMBER HOW SHE WAS WHEN YOU TWO WERE BOTH NOMINATED FOR THE HURLITZER. YOU REMEMBER HOW SHE WAS WHEN SHE _WON_."

"Well, that's my cue. I hope… I hope you have a good life, Lana."

"You too, Clark."

Lana watched him catch up to Lois by the elevator, and saw the way his face immediately relaxed into an open smile. He leaned down to kiss her as the door closed and it hurt like hell. But she wished them well.


End file.
